Interview 2: Terrence Seamon The Leadership Coach

Before I begin let me start by sharing that if you want to find out more about our guest Terrence Seamon you can do so through his blog at http://learningvoyager.blogspot.com/

"You have to know who you are deeply so you can really convey your passion to them"

Early in my career I would have paid plenty to have access to wise counsel. To have someone walking beside me that could offer perspective; offer a different approach to difficult conversations, difficult circumstances. I would have loved to have a leadership coach!

This is part of the reason that I coach others. I want to help those I work with to avoid some of the land mines I have stepped on. Not all of them of course. Read my post on adversity, you will know how much I value learning from mistakes and interpersonal conflict. No, I am talking about the types of mistakes that you should just avoid. In a leadership position there are things that you just should not do; walking into an important meeting without having thought out your approach, entering into a difficult conversation without considering alternative explanations of what might have happened. There are many things a coach can offer you that you just want to know.

The Coach

So it was with this in mind that I asked the next interviewee on our purpose series to participate. Terrence (Terry) Seamon has been involved in leadership development and leadership coaching in the greater New York City area for over 25 years. He has worked with clients in a vast range of industries and organizational levels. Terry is a coach with considerable experience in helping clients improve their leadership game.

I met Terry through Linked In. I love to answer other member questions related to leadership development in the forums there and so does Terry. It’s one of those things where you start to see the same names popping up time and time again. I always found a wise ring of truth to his responses and a clarity that comes only from years of experience. Terry and I have had a number of conversations on the elements of leadership development and it was for this reason that I thought you would benefit from his perspective.

The Twist

This interview took a twist. Rather than discussing Terry’s leadership purpose, I asked him to walk me through how he approaches the coaching process. I wanted you to be able to get inside the head of a leadership coach; to look at the client as he sees them. To go after a leaders purpose from a coaches perspective.

The Interview

I suppose there are as many approaches to getting through to people as there are people to get through to. Ultimately to make a difference in the life of a coaching client, a coach must get through. Terry and I talked about this aspect of the process for some time; it was clear that we were in agreement. [Side note there is an excellent book by leadership development coach Marshall Goldsmith called What Got You Here Won’t Get You There. In this book Marshall clearly states that if the client is not ready to change and listen to feedback then it is time to move on.]

Terry’s perspective was not substantially different from Marshall’s. Change requires an ability to hear what is being said, process it and evaluate your own behaviors against the feedback. Only then can a client begin to see the need for change.

Somebody is not going to be coached until they are ready for it. Creating readiness is partly a thing you can do as an external agent. But it’s also got to come from the person themselves.

Terry related the story of an executive who had been abrasive with his team and frankly had gotten to the point where the aggressive behavior was career limiting if not down right career threatening. He coached the executive to look at the feedback from his team. Not surprisingly he experienced push back from the executive. After all the very behaviors that had to this point seemed to help him succeed where now being called into question.

Purpose

Terry’s perspective on purpose entranced me; he had an elegant way of getting at the question without the directness you might expect. No Terry takes a subtle yet effective approach getting at purpose in unique ways. When I asked him about this he shared an example where he was assisting a client with their resume. Terry noted his client had no summary statement on his resume and dug in.

“I noticed that he did not have a summary statement at the top of his resume of who he was as a person… That was my recommendation to him and he had no idea of what I was talking about. “

I shared with him…You want to know what you are going after. At the same time you want to know who you are. You need to be able to convey that in writing and in speaking to people that you hope will invite you into their organization.

Fascinating approach, Terry was able to ask his client what is your leadership purpose without uttering a single word of the actual question. Once interested he was able to guide his client through the process of self discovery and a definition of purpose. Armed with a clear sense of purpose a leader has the ability to make informed choices about career opportunities and roles.

The Power of Feedback

Arguably the most important theme in Terry’s responses was the wisdom he conveyed regarding feedback. In all aspects of our time together this activity seemed to bubble to the top. Whether through questions meant to spark self examination or survey feedback from peers, direct reports and supervisors the role of the leadership coach is to provide an external force that helps the client to see the context from a different perspective.

Remember the hard charging abrasive executive? Feedback, Terry offered him the data that challenged the executive to look in the mirror and see what others saw. Between this and some external “heat” by his superiors, the executive opened up and began to learn a new approach.

The application of external heat (force) would be a general principle here Ron.

Hopefully the client begins to internalize the feedback and accept that they need to embrace the possibility of change.

“One Size Fits All”

Well no this would be incorrect. It may seem rather obvious but people are different and the approach taken by a leadership coach depends on the client and what will work with them to affect change.

No. Everybody is different; there is definitely no one size fits all here… A lot of people are looking for the recipe just give me the five steps that I follow every time and get a quick result. Unfortunately the world does not work that way. Yet there are many vendors out there who will try to sell you the recipe.

The reality of any growth process is that it is gradual. There are no quick fixes only long term solutions. Terry’s wisdom on this point reflects my own philosophy. Organizations who want to be successful in the long term must invest in the growth of their people and realize that immediacy and reflexive action can cause more harm than good. Without the delicate balance of execution and reflective consideration we can become a train wreck begging to happen or a ponderer who never ventures into reality. Either choice seems unacceptable to a purposeful leader.

Process…When Required

Terry and I also discussed how the coaching process progresses. IS there a standardized approach? Do you wing it? Do you set up accountability meetings?

Terry conveyed that it is difficult to say that there is one approach. His starting point allows for many potential directions, in keeping with the diversity of his clients. Once a direction is decided however process is definitely invoked. This is a critical aspect in that change does require a level of accountability. It is those coaches who are hardest on us, that care about us who drive us to our greatest performance level. So Terry takes on this role challenging when needed, offering guidance where appropriate. In the end however he is there holding his client accountable to their own success however that might be defined.

Takeaways

So what takeaways can we glean from Terry’s contribution to the conversation on a leaders purpose?

• Feedback truly is a gift to effective leaders
• Leadership development is not microwave popcorn it is a rich stew cooked gradually in a slow cooker
• Development is primarily an internal process but can be influenced by surgical applications of external force or heat
• How you apply external heat can either help a client grow or scorch them altogether.

I will leave you with a final quote from Terry who offers his best wisdom on personal development and the role of experience…

Experience is the best teacher but she is rough on her students.

Lead well

Ron

What does Leadership, Fedex Ground and the Twilight Zone have in Common?

Fedex Ground

The scene opens in a staff meeting, the charismatic boss opens saying, “we have got to cut costs people, ideas…” A tentative looking employee hesitantly offers, “ uh, we co-could open an account on fedex.com,…save 10% on…express shipping…?” pregnant pause with all the staff looking around to see who might validate or discredit the idea then the manager confidently offers his assessment, “how about this, We open an account on Fedex.com, we save 10% on online express shipping.” The flunkie staffers all nod, smile and confidently affirm their assent to the bosses great idea. The tentative staffer puzzled by this turn of events exclaims, “You just said the same thing I did only you did…this” (wiggling his hand side to side). The boss confidently replies “no, I did this.” (moving hand confidently in a downward motion)

If you want to watch the video you can do so here. Fedex Video

This is one of my favorite Fedex commercials for the way it pokes fun at office politics. From the time I first watched this video I have empathized with the staffer who must feel like he had just entered the twilight zone.

SO what the heck does this video have to do with the subject of a leader’s purpose? Well I am excited to share I just finished interviewing our second featured guest on Material Leadership’s investigation into a leaders purpose. Our guest, an accomplished leadership development coach, walked me through the steps he would take to help a client develop a sense of their leadership purpose. His answers followed my questions with a conciseness I had not expected. Figuring my clumsy interview style would lead to at least a few awkward pauses, I did not expect this at all. Our guest walked through each question sharing a polished elegant model of how he helps a client come to grips with their own purpose discovery.

The video! The video came immediately to mind because to a certain extent I felt like the tentative staffer in the twilight zone. Here I was listening to an expert in leadership coaching offering his process which was remarkably similar to what I have shared with you in previous posts! Of course our guest had been living leadership coaching well before “coaching” was trendy, before I had considered that I might want to devote myself to the study and practice of leadership development.

In the next several days I will post the interview. I know you will like it, this is good stuff! In the mean time let’s talk about the video story above. What takeaways can we glean from this spoof of corporate life?

They are out there

Whether we like it or not, they are out there. People who look at the world differently than we do. People who take the exact same input and see a totally different picture. The challenge is to recognize this for what it is, diversity. Once we recognize that differing opinions and perspectives are potentially a good thing, we have a chance at an even better end result than we had alone. Is this not why a leader depends on his followers in the first place? Remember the old quote (I think it was Henry Ford’s) “If the two of us agree, one of us is not necessary”

Life, surprisingly, is not fair

Sometimes people will take credit for your work, other times they will undermine your credibility behind your back. You may be blamed for actions you did not take. You may be overlooked for a well earned reward.

It will happen yes, but how you deal with it is what matters. In your reaction lies the opportunity for leadership. Do you remember one of the early posts on this site “Are you self serving or selfless? The whole point of being in leadership is that you, for a the chance to achieve a greater purpose, are willing to subjugate your own needs and wants to the greater good of the cause. You are willing to take responsibility for others and to sacrifice.

It’s not easy, it’s leadership.

Bad leaders and even worse followers

It is said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so it seems is character in the eye of perception. As a leader we need to be on guard to challenge the perceptions, judgments and negative stereotypes we propagate. People are rarely as bad as we might at first think. It is my argument that they are simply not aware of how their words and actions misalign. The leader’s role is to get beyond the exterior and develop a relationship.

Once we have invested the time to know someone, we are in a better position to understand their character. With this knowledge we can either embrace the relationship and go deeper, or the opposite back away slowly. There is always the courageous option to speak into their life what you see. This with the right person can change a life for the better forever. Done recklessly it can create an enemy or worse seriously harm another person. Wisdom and patience are required here so tread carefully.

Some have not found their purpose, or even started looking

This gets to the whole point of this series. The staffers in the commercial are too busy making sure they ride on the boss’s coat tails to recognize that their actions lack authenticity. You cannot find yourself when you are busy making sure you don’t stand out, you don’t make waves, you don’t think for yourself.

Character comes at peculiar moments. Most often we are given the chance to wake up and ask questions of purpose in times of great stress; death, sickness, divorce, layoff etc. It just seems far to comfortable going with the flow. So ask yourself when do you feel most alive? When is it that you are most aware of your senses, your surroundings? Seek to understand these moments. What brought them on? What were the circumstances surrounding them? Short of death defying activities, lean into these moments, stay in them, bask in the emotion, in the discomfort, in the adrenaline. Learn how to wake yourself!

The interview will be posted in a few days in the mean time…

Lead well

Ron

Purpose...

Purpose

A while back I mentioned that I was planning to transition the focus of this blog from the internal nature of a leader toward the purpose of a leader. In other words moving from self leadership to other leadership. As we make this transition I am compelled to comment on why I spent so long on self leadership.

Frankly the main reason is I have seen leadership lived out poorly in others as well as myself. We must learn to lead ourselves well before we ever consider leading others. To do otherwise sets you up for failure. In some cases very public failure.

My early leadership experiences were BAD. Yes bad with a capital B. I want to share two of them with you as a testament to what can happen to those willing to do the work to learn to lead.

When I was starting my senior year in college, I attempted to take on a significant leadership role…

Super Plumber!!!

This story was instrumental as a case of BAD leadership for me. Our engineering school had a special welcome for incoming frosh into the program. This is the stuff that makes college reminiscing worthwhile. We did pub crawls (literally after the fifth pub some were crawling) we did parades, we sang terrible songs, we introduced the frosh to our uniquely brash and arrogant culture. During this week were led by a fictitious character we named super plumber. I have no idea where the name came from it was one of those things, a legend that emerged from graduating classes of decades gone by. Super plumber was always a senior who best personified the engineering spirit. He was voted upon by all the other seniors who led frosh week. It was a great and prestigious role that allowed the senior to play the ham, have a lot of fun, and drink a lot of free beer.

So at our organizing meeting I made my pitch. I donned a cape and acted mysterious. Sharing stories of greatness of our school, our program. I explained how I had helped organize the raid on a rival engineering school, made the lives of all the campus arts students very uncomfortable during homecoming, how I had organize the bathtub races, how I had led activities in our icy January beach party the year before (Brrrr I still get the chills to my bones when I think of that icy lake). As I walked through my accomplishments I was heckled by a few fellow seniors but overall I thought it went well. When it came to the vote I lost handily to a friend. I was devastated. Did I mention I hate losing? I have not forgotten that bitter taste of loss. I tried to soldier on and be a good loser but that is not my style. I hate losing. I did not handle it well, I sulked and became somewhat detached.

You Don’t Even Want to Work Here

Unfortunately this same engineering culture led to another early leadership failure. When I left college I went to work in the steel industry. My first job was in a training program where you worked in various departments seeking a place where you would ultimately fit and stay. In my first placement I worked in one of the toughest parts of the steel industry, the blast furnaces. It was a place where men dealt with life and death every day and it showed on their faces. They had seen much and did not suffer fools, or young engineers, well. Just like the name of the area suggests this was a place that could make or break you. In many ways it broke me. I tried my best to fit in but it was a struggle. I loved the guys working on the furnaces, but the staff, I could not figure them out. I did not fit in at all; I just could not get over my engineer attitude and connect with the other salaried folks. In my exit interview I was told that “you don’t even want to work here”. I was dumbfounded; I had said nothing of the sort. Sure, I was struggling with the shift pattern, with the work, with the salaried folks, but I had never said anything to anyone about not wanting to be there.

Feedback is the Breakfast of Champions

For the longest time I struggled with this placement. A negative performance review and a feeling of rejection, again. What an opportunity! I sulked and whined for some time; in fact my attitude adversely impacted my performance at my next placement. They did not want me either. Only thing was that I was slowly starting to process what was going on and accept the feedback I was given as my own. I learned that I came across as cocky and aloof. I appeared as a know it all, insensitive to others. I was in it for myself and did not care about the bodies I left in my wake. None of it was true to me, I cared deeply about those around me! I may have had no life experience in showing it, but I cared! This feedback cut deeply, it hurt. I resolved to change. I took it upon myself to befriend people who could tech me about the area I was weak. Ironically in 1989 I was laser focused on improving my emotional intelligence; of course Daniel Goleman and others had not yet coined that phrase. I connected with admin assistants and female colleagues, those I reasoned had this interpersonal stuff figured out. It was a slow process but I grew. Since I had sooooo far to go even growing quickly it took time to get decent at this.

I Quit

By the time I left that organization twelve years later, I had made life long friends, been a part of awesome high performance teams, had a respected list of accomplishments that the teams I was apart of had won. Most importantly I had learned the basics of being a leader and finding purpose in leading. It was ironic that the reason I resigned was because of an interpersonal challenge that had become untenable. It was not performance, it was not the lure of more money, it was a poor manager who cared only about himself and how he was perceived by the organization. Irony irony…

I sit here 19 year later reflecting on emotional intelligence and purpose. My most recent opportunity offered in the largest sense because of my ability to connect with people, to have a clear sense of purpose and align a team to achieve it. Irony irony…

What is leadership development about?

Hard painful self assessing, self breaking work. It is anguish and uncertainty, suffering and second guessing, it is discomfort. Leadership development; is it worth it?

You bet your life it is.

For me there is no greater calling, no more fulfilling activity than to lead well. It warms my heart to see others grow and flourish in an environment of healthy leadership. I smile inwardly like a proud father when one of my team steps into the breach and leads. The thought that I had an influence on their life and leadership is a great altruistic treasure.

This is not for the feint of heart, it is for the courageous. It is for those willing to seek their purpose, their leadership mantle.

Lead well

Ron

Enhancing Emotional Intelligence

Recently on Linked In, a question was asked regarding emotional intelligence and how to enhance it. I was taken by this question as I am a student of this concept and have spent considerable time in my career learning (often the hard way) how to improve my emotional intelligence abilities. This also is one of a number of critical aspects of effective leadership. In my research of emerging leadership attributes I found that decisiveness, integrity, emotional intelligence and communication skill. We discussed integrity a few times already (756 Homeruns and Adversity and Integrity) . In future posts we will talk about communication (one form of which is this blog) as well as decisiveness. In the meantime emotional intelligence...

There are a few things that I recommend to enhance emotional intelligence when coaching others. My focus is primarily on improving self management and awareness of interactions with others.

On interacting with others

1. I recommend that you find someone who can provide trusted candid feedback. There is no better way to gain an understanding of how you interact with others than to get a trusted external perspective.

2. I recommend that you pay attention to body language. Take an introductory course in Neuro Linguistic Programming, or read a book on the subject so you can be more aware of others reactions and their potential meaning. Then, with those you have a good working relationship with, when you see an unfamiliar physical reaction stop. Consider what you have just said. Did you say something that could have been misinterpreted, something insensitive, something callous? If so apologize. I am sorry that did not come out right what I meant was...

3. Ask people you know to be more emotionally intelligent for feedback and help in understanding others reactions.

4. Lead a volunteer group and pay attention to how group members react to your behaviors. They best part of volunteers is they can vote with their feet. They are not paid to be there or to follow you. You have to learn how to lead in a way that meets their needs of a leader or they will leave. This is a great arena to hone your skills.

Self Management

The most important aspect of self management is to be aware of your own behaviors in the moment. Pay attention to your own emotions; learn to recognize the signs of an approaching emotional state and what triggers it. For instance when I am about to get angry I can feel my head getting warmer as the blood rushes to my brain. When I sense this coming I look for the trigger and then force myself to breathe. Breathing gives me a moment to think and gain control of myself before an unwanted reflexive reaction can take over

The other practice I recommend is to play back your interactions with others paying attention to how you behaved and how you felt. Again the intent here is to understand your normal reaction patterns and see the signs of their approach. I then ask what could I have done differently in that situation that would have achieved a different better outcome.

Lead well

Ron H